Is she really into you?
By: Dr. Pam Spurr
With about 93% of our communication being through body language, you can definitely put some knowledge of this mysterious art to good use to suss out what your date is thinking.
Most of our body language is unconscious – in other words it gives away what we’re thinking before we even realise it. So without even knowing it, most of the time she’ll be using her body language as a subtle weapon to catch your attention or maybe even to put you off!
How to read the signs and signals that she fancies you.
Watch out for the following signs that say she’s immediately interested in you:
In her eyes:
– She dips her chin slightly and then looks up at you from under her fringe.
– She gives you a ‘doubletake’ – looks at you, then looks away, and then looks straight back at you.
In her fingertips:
– They lightly touch her neckline.
– They move up and down the straw in her cocktail.
– They occasionally touch her lips.
– They lightly touch or circle her glass.
– She flicks it back lightly with her fingertips.
– She occasionally shakes her head slightly so it moves.
– They part lightly while she is listening to you.
– She gently licks the corner of her mouth, or her top or bottom lip.
– It slips into an ‘S’ shape where one hip pokes out and one shoulder dips.
– She pushes her chest out towards you a little.
– She crosses her legs towards you.
– Her feet don’t face away from you.
Later in the date: the signs that say she is interested in you
– She bridges the gap between you and her by touching your forearm when she speaks to you.
– She touches her fingertips to your thigh.
– She moves her back so that it screens out other people from your view.
– She opens her body language by placing both her palms down on the table top.
Later in the date: the signs that say she is NOT interested in you
– She leans back in her chair, away from you.
– She turns her legs away from you.
– She starts crossing her arms over her chest.
– She starts to look away from you when you speak, as if she’s mentally looking for an exit.
– She stops flirtatious signs with her fingertips.
The signals you should avoid giving off
Let’s think about your body language for a minute. Just as she can give off flirtatious signals, you can too. Equally, you can display signals that might put her off and ruin your chances! Here are some definite no-nos when it comes to body language:
– Don’t stare at her in a prolonged way – it’s disconcerting, not sexy and she’ll lose interest.
– Avoid fidgeting and nervous, jerky movements that give her the message that you lack confidence. What does this tell her? If you lack basic confidence you might also lack sexual confidence.
– Beware of excessively loud and aggressive behaviour, particularly if you and she are out with your friends. This kind of showing off with big gestures is rarely attractive.
– Make sure you don’t close down your body language due to nerves. That is to say, don’t cross your legs tightly, don’t cross your arms over your chest and avoid slouching. It’s not at all attractive!
– Don’t go to the other extreme by using over-confident, arrogant body language, including too much preening, and/or overly straight posture. This gives off a ‘nose-in-the-air’ type attitude that can be quite threatening, particularly if she lacks confidence.